


How Do We Win?

by purgatoan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Season/Series 12, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Explicit Language, Fluff, M/M, POV Dean Winchester, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 13:14:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10617630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purgatoan/pseuds/purgatoan
Summary: As Dean’s watching sleeping Sam in the backseat when they’re getting away from the barn Sam was tortured in after Darkness let Dean go, Dean thinks about their past and how it all used to be.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Kim's (@ilostmyshoe-79) Birthday Challenge
> 
> Unbeta’d, so all the mistakes are mine!
> 
> Okay, first of all? Holy shit, I didn’t expect for this one to be so damn long! Also, big thanks to Kim for hosting this challenge, ‘cause I wanted to write this one for a long time, but didn’t have an excuse so, thanks for giving me one! I really really hope you’re going to like it, ‘cause I’m absolutely in love with this. 
> 
> Lyrics are italised!

Do you remember the first time we kissed, Sammy?

_What a strange being you are_

Dad was on a case and it had been a week since he had called to let us know when he would be back. We were watching some stupid soap opera; the motel’s TV had only one channel working, and there was nothing better to do anyway.

You were done with you homework and it was weekend already, so you were bored as hell, trying to find something to occupy yourself with.

It was raining cats and dogs and there was a storm coming, I could feel it. We were sitting on one bed; there was no use in making two if we were always sleeping together anyway.

_God knows where I'd be_

I was beating myself up everyday. Every time I looked at your pretty face I felt like I had to kiss you, hold you close and never let anyone touch you. I wanted you to be mine and I wanted to be yours. I could barely keep it hidden, but it was right under the surface, ready to come out at any given moment.

How fucked up was that? How could I think this way of you, my baby brother?

And that day, you were so close that all my self-control went to hell and didn’t come back for a damn long time. You looked at me and I just drowned in your eyes, you had all the power over me. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t say anything, I just kept staring at you, feeling like I had the eighth wonder of the world right in front of me.

Before I knew what was going on, your lips were on mine, and I wouldn’t lie if I were to say that nothing ever felt so perfect. You tasted like that cherry lollipop you had been sucking on earlier, because we only had some sweets and cereal left to eat. Your hands were so soft when they rested on my neck and I got lost in you.

But I came back to my senses after a moment and bolted out of the room and outside, straight into the rain. It felt so cold compared to how you felt in my embrace.

_If you hadn't found me, sitting all alone in the dark_

I had no idea how long I had been leaning against that brick wall, trying to come to terms with what happened. What was I supposed to do? I had no clue, I was lost, man. I probably would have stayed there for a long time, afraid to face the reality, but you came for me.

You were terrified that I didn’t want you. You were scared that it was just a joke or a mistake, and you kept blabbering that you were sorry for what you did and that I probably thought you were crazy, but you couldn’t be further from the truth.

_A dumb screenshot of youth_

Admitting to you how much you meant to me was one of the most difficult things I ever said, I’m not kidding. But that stupid smile that appeared on your face after I said everything that had been bothering me for so long? There was nothing better than that.

And you couldn’t hold back, just ran right to me, and we kissed again, exactly like we meant it. God, I was so happy, I couldn’t even understand how I was able to keep it bottled up for so long.

It wasn’t normal. Hell, it couldn’t be more screwed up, but were our lives normal? Was our family normal? If you were to look at our lives, it could’ve been the only thing close to normal that we would ever have.

I needed you, you needed me, and I was done fighting with that. I couldn’t do it anymore. And, even though I wasn’t sure we should do that at first, I did it anyway, and I never regretted it.

_Watch how a cold broken teen_

God, It was so difficult to keep it all from Dad, but I knew we had no other choice.

He would’ve probably sent you away and told me to get myself together, to get a grip on my emotions and stop ruining your life. He would’ve been disgusted, but not with you, only with me.

I was older, more responsible, and he would’ve told me I should have had ran away the first time I had felt that way, but we both knew I would’ve never been able to do that.

Hell, I was going crazy when you forgot to tell me you had to stay longer at school. I would never survive letting you go. Never.

 _Will desperately lean upon a superglued human of proof_

Do you remember how desperate you were to lose your virginity to me?

I was telling you that I wasn’t going anywhere and that we had all the time in the world, but you kept begging and teasing all the time and I couldn’t help but give in that one night.

Dad was gone on a hunt yet again and we were alone, finally able to let go of the facade we had to be keeping when he was around.

We spent almost whole damn week in the motel, rarely leaving at all. It seemed like the closer we got, the more difficult it was to be away from you for a damn minute, but I didn’t dare complain. I wanted you to be right by my side all the time.

There was no one in the world who I wanted to stay buried in forever, there was no one who I wanted to spend ruining and bringing to the brink of release as many times as possible. I swore I didn’t have to hear anything for the rest of my life, only all the sounds you had been making when I was so deep inside you, driving both of us crazy with every move I made.

Damn, it felt like I was addicted to you, because it wasn’t just that I wanted to be right next to you. I had to be with you, or I didn’t feel like myself anymore. Without you, I was just an empty shell of someone who drank too much, sang too loud and flirted with everything that moved.

You were making me better, Sammy.

You were bringing out everything that I was afraid to show to anyone else, those parts of me that I thought were long forgotten, those parts that hunting destroyed.

_What the hell would I be without you? (what the hell would I be?)_

It couldn’t be more perfect.

It honestly seemed like I was the luckiest person in the world, because most of the people were running around and looking for someone they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with, but I never had to look. You were always there.

And even with all the crap, all the monsters that kept lurking in the dark, I was happy.

But nothing lasted forever, did it?

 _Brave face talk so lightly, hide the truth (hide the truth)_  
  
I didn’t understand why you wanted to get away from me.

I could handle the fact that you didn’t want to hunt and that Dad was pissing you off all the time, but, man. I never thought you’d want to leave me.

I thought it was all a big fat lie, that everything we had was just a play pretend, that I was delusional to think you would have wanted to have anything to do with me. I was pissed at you so badly that I let the shitty part of me take over and, instead of saying goodbye the way I should’ve had, I hurt you. I hurt you so much with what I had said that I was certain there would be no repairing the damage.

And I had never felt as empty and lonely as the day after you left.

_Cause I'm sick of losing soulmates_

I was lost and didn’t know what to do without you by my side.

I was just going through the motions, hoping that getting lost in hunting and booze would help me forget about you. I even tried distracting myself with pretty girls, hoping I’d get you out of my system by fucking as many of them as possible, but it wasn’t working.

After some time, I realized I had been choosing only those that looked even remotely like you. Tall, slim, hazel eyes, that type of thing, so it was clear I was stuck with you, even if I thought you’d probably moved on. I couldn’t shake you off of me, no matter how hard I tried.

Who was I kidding, right? The moment I laid my chubby hands on you was the day you became a part of me that I couldn’t live without.

I tried calling you, but you didn’t answer, and I figured you didn’t want to talk to me.

I understood.

I wouldn’t want to talk to myself either if I were you, but it still hurt like a bitch.

Weren’t we supposed to always be together? What happened to that?

_So where do we begin?_

Checking on you with Dad was always the best and the worst at the same time.

The best, because I fucking missed you. I missed you so badly it felt like I was losing more and more of myself with every day that you were gone, and seeing you was enough to glue my heart back together, at least for a moment.

But the worst, because I couldn’t do anything. I could only stare like a creep while my heart was breaking into pieces again, because you weren’t happy because of me. I had made you miserable and you found someone better than I was.

And I was glad you weren’t alone, believe me, but it still stung that I couldn’t be there with you. That you didn’t want me there with you.

_I can finally see, you're as fucked up as me_

Damn, I still remember battling with myself if I should go to Stanford when dad disappeared.

I knew I could handle it, I could find him on my own, but, for the first time since I remembered, I had no one. I had completely no one, but I knew you were out there somewhere, and I was drawn to you. My instinct made the decision for me and I was speeding in the Impala, trying to get to California as fast as possible.

To say that I was nervous would be an understatement.

For all I knew, you could hit me square in the face when I would appear, call me all the names you could think of and shut the door before I would’ve had the chance to explain why I even dragged my ass to you.

But there was no way I was doing it alone.

I needed you.

_So how do we win?_

I had no clue what to say and how to convince you to come with me. Everything I came up seemed so dumb and stupid that I eventually gave up and decided I would just tell whatever would come to my mind. I don’t think I was ever that nervous as that night.

But you surprised me, Sammy, ‘cause it seemed that you missed me as much as I missed you.

When I pulled you close it felt like all my broken pieces came together and that I could finally breathe again. God, nothing ever felt better than having you right by my side. And in that moment I knew I wouldn’t be able to let you go, even if I wanted to.

It was selfish, to even try and think of getting you back together, but I couldn’t help it.

_Yeah, I'm sick of losing soulmates_

That hunt together? We kicked ass, just like old times, and I could see that spark in your eyes when we were done and I knew you felt just like I did.

You could pretend that you weren’t drawn back to hunting, but I saw you were. Hell, I’d have had  to be stupid not to notice that. And even though we didn’t say a word about what had happened when you had left I hoped we still had a chance.

It was never too late, was it?

But when you wanted me to drive you back, I wasn’t so sure about that anymore.

I knew it was stupid to think you’d just ditch it all for me, but you can’t blame me for having hope, Sammy. You can’t.

But you surprised me and yourself too. When you turned around to walk back to your happy little life, you stopped after taking a few steps. You hesitated. Don’t you think I didn’t see that, I did. You weren’t sure what you wanted.

If you didn’t think about leaving with me, you wouldn’t even blink, just get right back to Jess. I couldn’t help but smile, because maybe the time would come when we would be together again, even if it sounded only like a stupid fantasy in my head.

Who would’ve thought that it would come to life so damn fast?

_Won't be alone again_

I had no idea what to do after I dragged you out of that apartment, the image of Jess still in front of my eyes whenever I blinked.

I was sure you would hate me. If I hadn’t dragged you on that hunt you might’ve been able to take care of her, to save her. Maybe not, but what if you would’ve been able to do that? Maybe it was all because of me?

It was all my fault, I shouldn’t have showed up. But, even if you thought the exact same way, you didn’t say a word.

You didn’t blame me, you weren’t mad. I didn’t see an ounce of hate in your eyes, but you were devastated. You needed me to be there for you, and I was.

It was the first time after so long that we shared a bed together and you clung to me like you were afraid I would disappear, just like her. And, that night, I promised you that I wasn’t going anywhere, that I was never going to leave you. I said it so many times that my throat hurt, and I meant every word.

But I didn’t expect that so many things would try to pull as apart in the future.

_I can finally see, you're as fucked up as me_

Remember when Dad sacrificed himself so I could live?

Sammy, I’m still blaming myself, believe me. I don’t think I’ll ever stop doing that.

You know what he told me when he came to my room when I woke up? Apart from what you already know, he said that he knew how much I loved you and how much you loved me. Hell, I could see it in his eyes that he knew exactly what was going on between us and I was scared shitless that he was going to be furious.

But the truth is, he wasn’t.

Yeah, I know. It didn’t make much sense to me either, but he just told me he wants us to always take care of each other and that I should know he loved us, no matter what. And, damn, I believed him. You would believe him too if you saw him like that.

He knew and he didn’t hate me. He didn’t hate us.

It meant so much.

And it was all thanks to him that I kept my promise, that I didn’t leave you. Damn, I miss him, Sammy. I miss him so fucking bad and I wish he saw what we’ve been through, what we grew to be. I wish he was with us that whole time, you know?

He wasn’t the parent of the year, rather far from that, but he tried his best, and even though we were as far from normal as it could possibly go, he still loved us. I wished he didn’t have to die for me.

But not many wishes come true in our lives, do they?

_So how do we win?_

Remember when I almost lost you?

You ran in my direction before that knife plunged deep into you and it was almost the same as when you had taken your first steps toward me, but those could’ve been the last. I didn’t let that happen, though.

I couldn’t let you die, Sammy.

God, I knew you’d be so pissed at me when you would find out what I did, but I had no choice. I knew I would shoot myself straight in the head if that demon wouldn’t agree to bring you back, I already had the gun ready with me.

It was either living with you or not living at all.

What would be the point of living without you anyway?

But that bitch kept her word and you were perfectly fine when I got back. I had never felt as relieved as when I got you back in my arms, even though I knew I was screwed.

It was fine, though. What mattered was that you were okay, I would handle whatever they would throw my way.

It was selfish, I knew that, but I had no other choice.

_We will grow old as friends, I've promised that before_

And, Sammy, I’m still sorry for leaving you like that.

You know I was trying my best to fight and stay. I would rip the hellhounds apart with my bare hands if I could, but there was nothing I could’ve done.

Nothing hurt as much as your voice ringing in my ears when you were screaming for me, trying to help me, not even being slashed by their claws and shredded by their teeth.

I’m so sorry I made you suffer like that.

_So what's one more?_

You know, all the torture in hell had nothing on the fact that I missed you.

I missed you so hard that it felt like my heart was falling apart, crashing and shattering into pieces over and over again.

But I didn’t dare complain. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how difficult it was for you to feel exactly like I felt when I found out Dad sold his soul for me.

All the guilt and feeling like shit? Believe me, I get it Sammy. I still feel this way and it sucks, so I know how much it sucked for you.

And I’m sorry I put it on your shoulders.

_In our grey-haired circle, waiting for the end_

Remember that you wanted to hit me when I came back?

I bet I’d have done the exact same thing, I rose from the dead after all, and it wasn’t something that you saw every day. You didn’t know it was me, I could very well be a demon.

But then you pulled me close and I was alright. You didn’t let me go for a long bit, your arms so tight against me that I could barely breathe, and I finally felt like myself.

You’ve changed so much, it was easy to spot that. Again, I wasn’t surprised. I couldn’t be happier that you managed to push through, no matter what it took for you to pull yourself back together.

As long as you were alive I couldn’t care less.

There was something about you that had me concerned, but I brushed it off then, telling myself that it was probably the fact that I hadn’t seen you for so many years.

I didn’t think that ignorance would come and bite me in the ass so fast.

_Time and hearts will wear us thin_

Hell, I was so stupid, Sammy.

How could I treat you like that? I should’ve listened to you first, not act like a hurt drama queen and make you feel guilty for what you were doing.

Damn, it wasn’t good, it was demon blood after all, but it wasn’t bad either. It was such a grey area and I was so quick to assume you were on the wrong side of the equation.

Fuck, I’m sorry. I know that what hurt me the most wasn’t you hiding your powers, but the fact you were sleeping with that bitch, but it was no excuse to how I made you feel. I took it all out on you and, instead of helping you, I hurt you again and made it so much worse.

I know why you left that night. I was hoping you would listen to me, but how could you? I was horrible to you, I called you a monster, and, God, you were never one.

I was.

I thought it was all over when she closed the door right before I managed to get through to you, but it seemed like we had more luck than common sense.

Yeah, the freaking Devil was out, but you were okay. I had you by my side and I knew we would be able to figure it all out together.

If I only knew what was coming next I wouldn’t be so optimistic.

_So which path will you take, cause we both know a break_

Remember when you decided to say yes?

I wanted to knock this idea out of your head, but you were a stubborn son of a bitch, Sammy. There was no chance I was going to succeed and it felt like I was already a dead man walking the second I thought about what you wanted to do and how it was going to end.

I had no other choice, but to trust you, though.

I wasn’t ready to get through all of that, but I had to know that I did my best to let you know that I knew you weren’t a kid anymore. I couldn’t argue with you and know that we parted our ways like that.

And the night before we went to Dallas?

Hell, I never wanted to leave the bed, it seemed like you wanted to show me exactly how much you needed me and it was both the best and the worst thing in the world. You were all over me and I was all over you, desperate to get as close as possible, if only for those few hours. I was screaming your name in no time, barely able to hold back the tears as you kissed me yet again, taking my breath away, because I knew that was it. It was the end of all things.

But, even though there was supposedly no hope, I had to be there with you the next day, because I believed you would kick Lucifer’s ass.

And you did, you fucking made it.

I was so proud of you, my little brother beating the Devil and saving the world, but when you jumped into the pit it felt like you took my heart with you.

I was empty and lonely yet again.

_Does exactly what it says on the tin_

And that year without you was a nightmare, Sammy.

I was seeing you everywhere, everything was reminding me of you, and nothing could fill the void that my heart became after I had lost you.

When I saw you after I woke up? I was pretty sure I was either dead or hallucinating, but no. It was you and it wasn’t really you.

I wanted my Sammy back as soon as possible and I didn’t think through all the consequences. I shouldn’t have lied to you. I should’ve told you right at the beginning what had happened, maybe you wouldn’t have to go through all that crap later.

It was my fault, I’m sorry.

And, hell, I still don’t know what Cas thought when he messed with the wall in your head. Fuck, I was so mad at him, I had no idea what to do. He was our friend and he screwed us like that, I couldn’t believe it.

_What the hell would I be without you? (what the hell would I be?)_

Remember when the hallucinations started?

You pretended you were alright, but you weren’t okay at all. I almost lost you again and the worst thing was that I had no clue how to help you; it was killing me.

I was so happy when Cas fixed his mess.

Damn, it wasn’t that I didn’t care about him or that I wanted him to suffer for what he did to you. He screwed up big time, it was his fault I almost lost you and I just couldn’t let that go, it was his responsibility to make this right.

He was an angel, for God’s sake, he would handle it somehow.

You, on the other hand. You were just my little Sammy.

_Brave face talk so lightly, hide the truth (hide the truth)_

I thought we would catch a break for some time, but who was I kidding?

Leviathans, man.

When I thought we got them, we got screwed by the fate again and I was ripped away from you. Not that I had the choice, but I still felt bad. I had promised you that night that I wouldn’t leave you and, there I was, disappearing again. Even if I didn’t have a chance to prevent it from happening, it still sucked.

I knew you weren’t in the best shape. You were still recovering from all the crap I’ve put you through, and I didn’t even want to think what this would make you feel like.

I should’ve gotten out of there as soon as possible and back to you, but I couldn’t leave Cas, you know that. I had to find him, you would’ve done the same thing. There was no more holding grudges; I couldn’t keep being mad at him for something that he fixed, even though I felt horrible every time I thought what that could have lead to.

What I didn’t expect was the fact it would take so long. Only when I got back from the Purgatory I realized how much time had passed since I had been thrown there and, damn, I never thought it took me a damn year.

I just hoped you didn’t do anything stupid when I had been gone.

_Cause I'm sick of losing soulmates_

Remember what I said when we met in that cabin?

I’m still sorry for that. You did the best you could to cope with all the crap I left behind and I should’ve never blamed you for that. I shouldn’t have judged you for trying to forget, there was no way you could’ve known that Purgatory was even a thing.

Again, jealousy took the best of me and I didn’t think straight.

And because of that, it went so downhill that I knew I would never forgive myself for making you feel that way.

_So where do we begin?_

Remember when you were ready to sacrifice yourself to close the Gates of Hell?

I shouldn’t have repeated my old mistakes, it had never ended well, but my conscience flew out of the window when I saw that you were ready to die in that church. I couldn’t let you do that, I would never forgive myself if that happened.

And I made you a promise in that church that nothing would ever come between us and that we would always be together, but the fate’s a bitch, you know that.

I should’ve let you go. Fuck, I know that, and it was selfish and wrong to tangle Gadreel up in all that crap and trick you into saying yes.

I wouldn’t be surprised if you were to never forgive me, and again, I’m sorry for making you go through all of this. You didn’t deserve that and it was all my fault.

_I can finally see, you're as fucked up as me_

Remember when I left you again?

Shit, I was so sure I could take him on my own. It was partly the Mark, but also all the arrogance that I usually tried to hide deep inside me and never let it go.

I should have been smarter, but I wasn’t, and you were forced to see me die yet again.

I wasn’t ready to let you go, I never was, but there was nothing I could do.

I felt so exhausted when you took me in your arms and the spare look at the wound was enough to tell me there was no surviving that. But you didn’t let me say goodbye, you let your kiss talk instead, and I knew I must’ve felt cold when you brushed your lips against mine.

It was unfair and I wasn’t ready, but dying in your arms was definitely my favourite way to go.

_So how do we win?_

Remember when I tried to hurt you when you brought me back to the Bunker?

I like to push it out of my mind and pretend it never happened, but I’d be lying if I were to say I wouldn’t kill you that day. I almost did and if it weren’t for Cas I’d have your blood on my hands, Sammy. How screwed up would that be? Someone who loved you the most being the same person who would take your life. Fuck, the nightmares still haunt me.

I couldn’t have been happier that you were twice as stubborn as me and didn’t give up, even when it looked like there was no fixing me.

Thank you for not giving up on me, Sammy.

_Yeah, I'm sick of losing soulmates_

Remember when you pulled me from the edge yet again?

I was ready to just call it quits. I wasn’t good enough, I couldn’t control it. It was fucking with me too badly and I knew it would be a matter of time before I were to hurt you again, and I could never live with that knowledge.

So I ran away, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to agree to what Death suggested if you were to be right by my side. I loved you too much to say no to getting back home to you if you were to ask me that.

But you found your way to where we were and you flipped my plan inside out. I didn’t think you were certain I wouldn’t hurt you when I swung that scythe and, God, the look in your eyes hurt me more than anything else ever could.

Was I really that bad at letting you know how much you meant to me? Did I really suck that much at showing you that I couldn’t live without you?

I couldn’t believe I screwed up again.

_Won't be alone again_

Sammy, I still don’t get why you didn’t tell me you caught that crap from the Darkness that almost got you killed.

Hell, I thought you were safe and for all that I knew, you could’ve been dead before I would even know. I wouldn’t even have the chance to hear your voice for the last time.

The thought alone makes me want to punch something, dammit.

I wouldn’t be able to handle that, you mean too much to me, man. Don’t ever do it again, please.

_I can finally see, you're as fucked up as me_

Remember how betrayed I felt when Amara showed up?

I didn’t understand what she wanted from me and when she said we were meant to be together I nearly laughed my ass off.

If anyone was meant to be together, it was you and me, Sammy. How could she think she knew anything about feelings or love? She didn’t know a jack squat.

What we had, you and me? That was something.

So many years of fighting, getting away from each other and getting back together. Tears, happiness, living and dying for the other one. That meant something, that meant everything.

And it hurt me that you weren’t certain I would always chose you over her.

How could I prove it to you that you were and would always be my number one priority?

_So how do we win?_

Sammy, I couldn’t believe you did such a number behind my back.

Agreeing to take the Mark on yourself? That was a dick move and I couldn’t be happier that it didn’t work out.

Well, I knew you would have been thousand times better at handling it than I were, but the thought alone of the Mark destroying you like it destroyed me? I couldn’t have that.

I wouldn’t let it hurt you in that way, you didn’t deserve to go through that.

_I won't take no for an answer (I won't take no for an answer)_

Remember when that son of a bitch shot you?

He killed you. I’m pretty sure he did, but you came back to me somehow, and even saved my ass at the end of the day.

I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that you survived a damn gutshot, but it doesn’t matter. And I didn’t tell you, but I took the pills and I was ready to trade your life for mine. I already accepted that I had to do it again, to save you.

I was a complete mess. I was sure you were gone, and life just didn’t make sense anymore.

I was ready to die for you, but I’m so glad I didn’t have to.

_I won't take no for an answer (I won't take no for an answer)_

Remember when I thought it was the end of us?

I knew you hated my choice. Hell, I hated myself for agreeing to become a damn human bomb, but there was no other way. Fuck, there really wasn’t.

I couldn’t even look you in the eye on that graveyard; I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold myself together if I were to see the pain in your eyes. It would hurt me like a bitch and I wasn’t even dead yet.

And I didn’t want to let go when you crashed your lips into mine and pulled me close, tears running down our faces, your grip on me so tight it nearly hurt. Damn, even Chuck couldn’t look at that, he knew it would destroy you.

But, I thought, maybe that was supposed to be my destiny? Maybe giving up my life to save you and the rest of the world was supposed to be my way of repenting for all my sins?

You had the normal part in you still, I could see you settling down, having a bunch of kids and a nice girl. It would be hard, hell, I knew that better than anyone, but even though nothing was worse than imagining you with someone else, I hoped you wouldn’t stay alone if I were to die.

I won't take no (I won't take no)

Well, I bet none of us expected it would go like that, and I’m sure as hell it was the first time that fate surprised me in the good way.

I ended up being alive, crazy Amara brought mom back, the end of the world was postponed, at least until we would screw up again.

But the fact that you were gone? That someone dared to capture you in our home? That someone dared to hurt you, to make you bleed?

That was beyond anything I ever imagined.

No one would take you away from me and I knew I would find you, no matter where they took you. I’ve been everywhere, Hell, Heaven, Purgatory, and I would find you, even if I had to look in all those places.

No, I won't take no (I won't take no)

When I saw you, bruised and battered in that barn, I couldn’t believe that those were just people. How could people torture you? Monsters I got, but people? Men Of Letters, when we saved the Earth they were living on more times than they could ever imagine?

Where was the “thank you for keeping us alive” part?

When I got my hands on the gun there was no waiting or negotiating or trying to make deals.

No, I had enough.

Before she had the chance to say anything, I fired off, and you know I never miss. She was dead, but it still didn’t feel like enough of a punishment. I should’ve tortured her, made her feel exactly like she made you feel and ten times worse.

But at least she couldn’t hurt you again.

The other guy? He ran off, terror in his eyes as he took a look at us all and I knew we were in trouble yet again. I was in trouble for protecting you. Well, it’s safe to say I got used to that.  
  
_Cause I'm sick of losing soulmates_ __  
_So where do we begin?_ __  
_I can finally see, you're as fucked up as me_ __  
_So how do we win?_ __  
_Yeah, I'm sick of losing soulmates_ __  
_Won't be alone again_ __  
_I can finally see, you're as fucked up as me_   
So how do we win?

And now you’re sleeping, tangled with my in the backseat and I’m holding you as close as I can, trying to shield you from all the danger with what I have. Cas is driving and Mom’s sitting next to him, looking at us once in some time.

She doesn’t seem fazed by the fact I’m with you, but, frankly, I don’t give a fuck what Mom thinks. You’re the most important person in the world for me, nothing will ever change that, definitely not her opinion. And if she doesn’t like what we’ve got? Well, she can get the fuck out, ‘cause I’ll never give you up for anyone.

Sammy, I fucked up many times, but you’ve got my word.

If those sons of bitches come for you again, they’ll be dead before they’re going to know what’s coming. I’m sick of losing you, I know you’re sick of losing me, and I promise it’ll never happen again.


End file.
